I don’t know why, I told her that lie.

Isn’t the brain interesting? I mean, it’s fully automatic, yet completely in your control, for most of the important stuff. You know, like moving and talking and (for the most part), thinking. Yet, every now and then I find myself doing something that I absolutely cannot explain. Words will come to me and I’ll just spew them out, then spend the next few seconds utterly confused at my own doing.

For instance, I was recently at the doctor’s. Got myself a knee injury that has lingered and gotten progressively worse, so I thought I’d check it out. Word of advice: Be sure to actually land on the step you’re aiming for when descending stairs. Granted, I wasn’t entirely sober when this happened, but I completely missed a step, landing straight legged and hyper-extending my knee to the point where I launched myself into the wall. Smooth.

So this little misstep has bothered me to where I need to get it checked. After filling out all the paperwork and waiting in the waiting room, the nurse brings me into the exam room, asking me how it happened, about the symptoms, etc. Classic stuff I don’t really know but fake enough to move along with the procedure. She says I’ll need to have some X-rays done to ensure there’s no bone damage, so she goes to the cupboard and tosses me a pair of shorts. X-rays done, I’m sitting back in the room when the Doc comes in to play with my knee.

After tweaking it several times to verify that, yes, that does indeed hurt, he informs me that he suspects a torn meniscus, and goes about scheduling a MRI. The Doc points me to where I’ll need to officially make my appointment, and is on his way. I get dressed back up, taking off the shorts they supplied me and throwing my jeans back on. Coat and shoes on, I’m left standing there staring at the pair of shorts in my hand. Do I leave them on the examination table? The floor? Maybe that chair in the corner? Do I bring them up to reception and hand them over proudly? I don’t know, so I just open the cabinet up where I saw the nurse originally grab them from, and toss them in. Problem solved, I think to myself.

I find my way back to the reception desk and begin the necessary paperwork. It’s at this point where I make an unexplainable move. The nurse comes back my way and asks what I did with the shorts. Instantly, before I could think, I look up and say, “I uh, think I left them on the table there.”

She shoots me a puzzled look. “Really? Because I didn’t see them.”

“Yeah, pretty sure alright!” I nod, as she sets off towards the exam room once more. As soon as she leaves, I’m forced to think, WTF? Why did I say that? Shrugging, I continue my paperwork, but it doesn’t end there.

“Are you sure you left them on the table?” I look up to see the nurse again, now eying me somewhat suspiciously. “Maybe you left them on? It happens all the time!” She sorta laughs at this last bit, maybe trying to ease any embarrassment on my part, if I happen to be of the type that doesn’t know what kind of clothes they have on.

At this point, I feel the need to continue the lie. There is no reason, I could just tell her about the shorts’ current whereabouts, but I was feeling obligated to confuse this poor nurse further. I instinctively grab towards my waist. “Nope, I’m positive I took them off! Maybe someone beat you to grabbing them?” I suggest this feebly, with a half shrug and sheepish grin. She stares at me for a moment, perplexed, gives an audible “Hunh” and walks off.

I swing around to the receptionist. “Weird, right?” and bury my face into my paperwork again.

Looking back now, maybe I was thinking that they probably washed the shorts after each use, and I had done wrong by mixing the pair back in with the ones ready to use? Regardless, there is now a nurse out there who is completely bewildered with the case of the disappearing shorts, or figures me as a really petty thief. Either way…..wtf brain?

I hope to have more info on the status of my knee soon, as I’ll head back over the next two days for the MRI itself, and for the results. Not surprisingly, I’ve been requested to bring my own shorts from home.

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