Well, as it stands, there is about half of a day left for 2012. And you know what? Thank. God.
2012 has been a pretty rough year for me, in all honesty. I started the year, independent and thinking I had things going for me. Living on my own, making some dough, feeling good about things. Unfortunately, I’m ending my year on a completely opposite note. Back at home, questioning my decisions and my place in life, hurting for money, and dealing with a run in with the law. On my birthday, of course. Heavy sigh, man, heavy sigh.
The good news is that 2012 wasn’t a complete waste. I’ve definitely made strides in figuring out my own personal interests, desires, confidence, demeanor, etc. My entire life has been a string of “flash in the pan” ideas for what I’ll end up doing with myself, with interests never lasting more than a month or so. However, I stumbled upon something I just might like to keep at from here on out. I’ve always enjoyed writing, and writing was a pretty consistent factor in half of the “schemes” I came up for myself, so why not focus exclusively on it? That little realization really stuck with me. For once, I think I might have found something I can truly put my time and effort into.
On the job side of things, I feel like I’ve reached the tipping point with my current job. It doesn’t inspire me in any way, it’s a struggle to just show and actually perform my duties, and the attitude I have towards it has bled into my performance. Now, I know plenty of people out there get stuck in jobs that they don’t like, but they soldier on and put in the time and effort, knowing it is a means to an end. I just didn’t think I was going to find myself in that sort of situation at the age of 25. There’s too much left out there for me to “bite the bullet”. So, I plan on quitting in 2013. Seriously contemplating snagging a job at the radio station, which is more in line with the type of work I can see myself making a career out of. Besides, people always told me I have a face for radio….
In my personal life, I had quite a few ups and downs over these past 12 months. Confidence and self esteem are issues that I’ve had hang ups with since I could first form negative thoughts. However, I’m starting to feel a little more comfortable in my skin. Carrying myself like I’m not afraid of the world and speaking a lot more clearly and confidently. I used to be a terrible mumbler. Now, I’m not sure how it is for other mumblers, but I remember being so self conscious of others overhearing what I was saying to a person (regardless of the context) and judging me for it, that I’d try to speak to where only the person I was speaking to could hear me. Pretty crazy, right? So yeah, I’ve started to break that bad habit. It’s the little things like overcoming mumbling that have happened in 2012. Little baby steps to being a person who is sure of who they are and what they want. Nothing major.
However, I can see 2013 being the year of major change for me. It starts with the job, carries over to attending school again (with a focus on something I know I’ll like for once), and goes from there. I’ve always been one to have to learn my lessons the hard way. After 2012, I think it’s safe to say that several lessons have indeed been learned. For whatever reason, I just have a good feeling about 2013. We’ll see if it all pans out, but I’m done treading water like I have been. Whether the results are advantageous or I end up spiraling further down a course I wish not to go, it will be a year of action from yours truly.
A couple things I want to focus on for 2013:
- The beard – Let’s see how gnarly it can get.
- Weight loss – This kind of goes hand in hand with the beard, as I aim to keep growing it out until I reach a target weight. After running for 6 of the past 10 days, I feel like I have momentum to accomplish this.
- Writing – I wish to do much more of this. Going to start dedicating time during the day to work on writing anything and everything.
- New job – Already got some plans for that, as I’ve mentioned.
- Being in control – As weird as it sounds, I think I have issues being in control of my own life. If I can figure out how to expand on that later, I will, but for now that’s all I’ve got for this point.
- Take it one day at a time – Each moment of each day is one that you can fully capitalize on. There are two sides to me. One that is very conscientious of what I need to do to better myself, and the other side is the “instant gratification – regardless of long term consequences”. More often than not, the instant gratification side of me gets what it (I?) wants. I’ve been neglecting future me for too long. Each day, I have to ask myself, which part of me is in control right now? This could apply to something as little as deciding whether or not to eat that slice of cake to as big as figuring out whether or not I want to move to another city.
Big things ahead, for all of us. 2013 was the year that shouldn’t be, according to the Mayans. Now, we all know how that panned out. Let’s pretend that we were given a second chance this year. What to do differently is the question that I find most pressing. One I aim to diligently solve. So, happy 2013 everyone! I want to be able to stand back a year from now, and say “Bet you the Mayans wish they had room on the calendar for THIS hell of a year!”