If you haven’t asked yourself that question before, then I don’t know what to tell you. On one hand, I may pity you. On the other, I just might envy you.
I envy you if you are the type of individual who knows exactly what they want and are ultimately getting in life, to the point where they would never think to question it.
On the other hand, if you have never woken up out of every day life long enough to step back, look in, and begin to question yourself, then I just might pity you. Everyone should feel secure enough in their own convictions, morals, and desires to where they can truly dissect each one, questioning their validity in your own life. Even if you find that there are some items worth remolding, or just further cement your standing, either way you improve as a person.
I’m not sure how it was for previous generations, as unfortunately I can only experience one, but it seems that a lot of those in my generation seem to be a bit without direction. Actually, come to think of it, it’s probably just my particular town. Actually actually, before I try to extrapolate my experiences and views onto an entire generation, maybe I should just tell you where I stand in life.
Short Version: Waiting.
Long Version: Locomotive.
I’m like 25 or something and I can pretty much testify that most of my entire life has been spent waiting. For what? Everything, and yet still that certain something that seems to be missing. Ever since I was a kid, sitting in the car for however long while a parent would run an errand, I’ve been pretty good at waiting. “You’re so patient!” they’d coo at me. Yet, I think it’s what I’ve always felt most comfortable doing. It is with this comfort zone of inaction, that I’ve let many opportunities slip by. Regretfully so, but in my more recent years I’ve learned to never cling to the past. There is no point to tell you of the missed opportunities, but my lesson can be usefully shared. And that is that you can’t get anywhere if you don’t move your feet. Pretty obvious, right?
Yet, having lazy feet turned out to be something I fully realized myself guilty of the last time I asked myself the question. The very question that I put for a title. While I wouldn’t say that my life is directionless, as I’ve found myself pointed in many directions over the years, I never put myself in motion. Unfortunately, the few times in the past where I did venture out, they ended up being missteps. That didn’t help for my already reluctant nature. So I would find myself turning in a new direction, and waiting. Just like I’m always used to. Waiting for the end goal to magically close the distance to where it was in arm’s length, requiring no effort on my part. Waiting for me to wake up one day, having magically accomplished all that I “looked forward” to doing. Waiting.
But the good thing is that I’ve realized this. Once you’re aware of something, it becomes a tangible problem that you can fix. I’ve always felt like I’ve lacked passion, because I have, but there seems to be a burning rising. Something like you’d see in one of those old coal trains. I know I’ve said this sentence dozens if not hundreds of times before: “I think I’ve got it figured out.” Yet, this time, you know what? I think I actually do have it figured out. Besides knowing what I should do, this time I feel like doing it. Even if I slip up, I can always change direction, which is something I don’t think I was okay with before. I wasn’t ready to make any mistakes, so I would keep myself out of situations where I could make them. Which resulted in sedentary waiting, which I’ve been long tired of.
So I’m ready to make mistakes. That passion is there, I can feel it. Most of all, I want to be in motion, gathering momentum, letting myself lose control, and being content with the results. That coal fire is burning slow, but it’s burning hot. The locomotive is in motion, and while it’s not the quickest draw in a shootout, it gathers some mean headway, and is hard to stop. I may not have come flying out of that gate, but I know that I should stop with these metaphors. Whew.
So, anyways, point being, I’m feeling pretty good and junk and look forward to posting in the future with some of my crazy ideas.